when the honeymoon is over

Chef Boyardee and I have been dating for almost four months now. It's been an interesting start to a relationship.

I had a mental breakdown, and I don't mean that to sound facetious. I honestly had a prolonged anxiety attack and went into a depressive state where I was barely able to function. Poor, sweet Chef Boyardee. Here he was with a girlfriend for only a month, who was laying on the floor of his bathroom saying she didn't want to live anymore.

Meanwhile, he's been dealing with car problems and a promotion at work. The promotion is great, but it means he is working more than ever. Business is good and that's wonderful. The food at his restaurant is uh-MAZE-ing. (And no, he doesn't really cook for me. Women always say they want to date a man who can cook, but what you want to do is date a man who doesn't cook for a living. CB can cook his ass off, but he doesn't want to do it at home. Can you blame him? The last thing I want to do at home is teach a thirteen-year-old how to write. Dating a chef means you barely get to see him, you don't get to go out on the weekends, and you eat a lot of late night fast food! But, it's what you do when you love someone.)

One thing I'm big on is making sure the time we get to spend together is quality time. For example, I don't like just hanging out at his work, which I used to do a lot. He gets distracted too easily and I often just sit there feeling out of place. I don't like for us to just sit and watch television. The good thing about CB is that he is up for just about anything, and he has a lot of energy. That's why when I plan things like picnics, movie marathons, and fancy dinner date night, he always just grins and says yes.

It's not as exciting as it was in the start. Sometimes I feel like the beginning was a dream, and I woke up in a relationship with someone I don't even know. Because I'm a person who runs from relationships, I'm just getting used to this "end of the honeymoon" phase. This is usually the point where I run. I'm afraid of truly getting to know someone and letting them truly know me.

But, I'm going to try.

wg