it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

I'd like to lie and say I'm not into material things, but my closet could speak volumes on that subject. Therefore, in the spirit of giving, I'd like to just rid the universe of the following things:

1. People who aspire to be reality tv stars by putting their children in spaceship balloons, crashing parties for Joe Biden photo ops, or giving birth to seven times the normal amount of children. Get a therapist and a life, please.
2. Erectile dysfunction commercials. Old people sex? Ew.
3. Books "written" by "celebrities".
4. People who refer to New York City as "The City". There are other cities, you know.
5. Wife beaters in both shirt and human form.
6. Anyone who "reports" for Fox "News".
7. The need for quotation marks to indicate sarcasm in print. Let's just make a sarcasm font already.
8. Arkansas. In a word? Yawn.
9. The person who poisoned my friend's dog. Can you say 'pure evil'?
10. Sarah Palin.

Don't get me wrong. This is not a "bah humbug" moment. I seriously would love to receive the gift of elimination for any of the above mentioned items. Just an empty space in the much-improved universe. Wrapped up in tinsel. Just for me.

wg

a new tradition

Last night, in between mouthfuls of my second turkey helping, my step-mom walked into the dining room. Handing the phone to my father, she said, "It's your daughter." Translation = my sister who spends the holiday up north with my NJ family. Then, my step-mom walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"Your Grandma Marion died today."

I didn't think it was possible to lose your appetite when you were already on a second helping.

My grandmother (mom's mom) was sick for a long time. Alzheimer's is the ugliest, meanest disease I've ever met. Last time I saw Grandma Marion, she didn't know me. I had to tell her how I was related to her. Then she asked why my mom wasn't with me. When I told her, "Your daugther, my mom, died a long time ago," she said "Wow. That's so sad. Wait, who are you?"

Yeah. Not really an awesome visit.

I wasn't really that close to her in these last years. After Mommy died, we lost touch with that side of the family. Caring for Grandma fell to my cousins and my aunt. Is it bizarre that I feel relieved for them, to not have to worry about her anymore?

Then there's this: she died on Thanksgiving. Is this becoming a family tradition? Mom dies on Christmas Eve, Grandma on Thanksgiving. Hey God - dibs on Valentine's, okay? Or do you think the 4th of July is more appropriate due to my recent Obama Obsession? I'm really only interested in Easter if you're going to throw in the whole "rise from the dead" deal you gave Jesus. Halloween, you say? Hmm. Negotiable.

I know it's not a joke. Obviously, I'm not in the mood to wax poetic about my Gram or death or life in general. Let's face it, that just wasn't her style. My Grandma Marion was never the sugary sweet grandma. She'd never smother you with kisses or read you a bedtime story. But she was funny. She had spunk. She used to hide a $10 bill instead of an Easter basket. She cackled when my cousin and I put a plastic slug in her glass of wine. She'd appreciate my sarcasm if she were here to read this.

I have a funny memory of her breaking the water dispenser on the refrigerator in our new house when we moved to Florida. At the time, my mom told me she was sleep walking. As a kid, I thought it was hilarious. Woo, grandma's crazy! As an adult, I realize she was drunk. Woo, grandma's lit! (Actually, still kind-of funny.)

I remember when she took me - just me - on a shopping trip to JC Penney's. In the dressing room, we couldn't decide which dress to buy so she bought me all three. It is a Big Deal when you're the youngest of three girls to get a shopping trip by yourself. It's a bigger deal to get a new dress that your sister has never worn before. I bet she knew that.

All in all, not the best Thanksgiving in memory. But, I have happy memories to make me thankful. So, if it's okay to be thankful that she's not suffering anymore, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that.

wg

the man in my life

Ring, ring.

Him: (Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle) Little Meggy? Is that you?

Me: Yes. Are you crying?

Him: I just got done watching 'Bridge to Terabithia'. Don't judge me! This is a sad movie.

Me: I've never seen it, but I read the book a long time ago.

Him: It's about this, this girl and boy who...sniff...I don't want to talk about it! (quiet sob)

Me: Oh, Daddy. I love you.

montreat

So happy
just to
be away
in this
special place
of mine
and ours,
but His
of course.

so gross

Is there anything more barf-inducing than an 'about me' that reads:

I am married to the most wonderful man in the world! He is my light and my life! I love my life! I love my husband! I don't know what I would do without him!!!

Puke, puke, puke.

wg