secrets and lies...or was it lovers??

So...

Enough crying about not having money.

I have done the following positive things:

1. Cleaned out my junk drawer and organized my bills. Believe me, this was not an easy task. And holy shit, I have a lot of bills.

2. Emailed a good friend to see when he can help me set up a budget. A budget that will work. A budget that will get me out of debt and keep me in cute shoes. Because I need shoes. Because right now, at Target, sits a totally adorable pair of Mary Janes that should actually be in my closet.

3. Set up all my bills to the online bill payer on my computer. Most of them were on there, but I had to add a few.

4. Call Dr to negotiate timely pay-off of $167 bill that I did not expect. Timing is beautiful thing.

And all for the warding off of cervical cancer.

5. Arranged to go home to see dad and sister for their combined birthdays, sans gift, but offering awesome homemade birthday cards. Got promise from parents that they will buy me some groceries.

I had to ask my dad for gas money. I do not think I have ever had to do this in my life. I am not kidding. How was I more responsible at sixteen??

Oh yeah, I didn't have a mortgage. Damn adulthood.

So, maybe I've hit an all-time low, but the new school year is starting, and that comes with a raise. Lots of games for me to sell tickets at and make extra cash to pay back what I've had to borrow. I think I love teaching, because I get the excuse to start over every August. Woohoo, job perks for the underpaid.

No more moaning! I've accepted the fact that I won't be debt free in one year. I am going to change my goal to two years.

And at the end of those two years...I think I might like to try something new.

Until Payday...which is still two weeks away!!
WG

que$tion

Taking out a personal loan to pay off credit card debt...

what are the pros and cons?

personal advice?

is this a better option than consolidation counseling?

won't you hand me a shovel OR i am so in the hole

Seems like every blog starts out about how I don't blog enough.

Perhaps I should come clean.

I am slightly embarassed about my financial situation. Well, embarassed, and stressed out beyond comprehension. So blogging about it means a) admitting to my problem and b) staring it in the face and c) sharing it with strangers.

The situation is this: I am broke. Flat broke. I do not even have 2 cents to my name. I got a refund check in the mail today from Montreat for $10.77 and I cried in relief. I found $8 in cash in my piggy bank and sang eight praise songs. I am so broke.

I have been living off my credit card. This weekend I was in a wedding, and I had to charge all my expenses while I was there. So, further into debt I go. There was the airport parking, the hotel, all my meals, my hair, the taxi ride to the airport, eating at the airport, the hotel in atlanta when I got stuck overnight, and putting gas in my car on the way home. This just frustrates me, because it drives me further away from my goal. But - what choice did I have? I could have said no to being in the wedding, but how do you do that to a friend whom you love? The one thing I should have done differently was NOT get a hotel when I was stranded at the airport. My only excuse was that I'd gotten about nine hours sleep in the past three days, and prior to the two hours flight I sat on the runway for three hours, and I think I was slightly delirious when I arrived in Atlanta at one a.m. to be told I couldn't go back to Jacksonville until 7:30. I should have slept at the airport, but at that point, tired, cranky, ready-to-kill-someone-for-a-pillow Lindsay overruled Working Girl.

I have some options. I could take money off the line of credit I have at the bank, and pay it back in installments. A very sweet friend of mine offered me money, and as freaked out as it makes me to borrow money from people, I feel like I have to do it.

I am really scared. I have like, absolutely no cash. I have become a hermit. I am sitting in the house, afraid to leave because if I drive somewhere, it is gas money and I'm afraid that I'll spend money. I am digging through the pantry to make any and every meal. I have bills to pay, and I'm going to have to negotiate with the companies because I can't make them this month.

This has never happened to me. I am the financially responsible daughter. I am the daughter who got on my sister's case for mismanaging her money. I am the daughter who doesn't make mistakes. Or at least, the one who isn't supposed to make mistakes.

People tell me all the time that I am too hard on myself, and I agree, but I really hate screwing up. I really thought that I would be okay not having a job this summer. I really thought it was okay to go out and spend $40 on clothes in June. I ate out and drank out and spent out - not really thinking about the two weeks I'd go in August without a paycheck. And now I'm scrambling, because now I am screwed.

I hate money.