Question: Where do working girls spend their Friday nights?
Answer: On the couch, feeling sorry for themselves, texting their BFFs about fears involving dying alone and being devoured by the cat. (Note: The BFFs do not answer, probably due to the fact that they are out doing all things fabulous. Or, they are pregnant and sleeping.)
11:37 pm, Me: My life is so pathetic! Wahhhhh.
11:41 pm, Me: I hate romantic comedies!!!!! From now on, I am only watching slasher movies.
11:52 pm, Me: Oooh, 'Seven', is on Bravo. This fits my mood! Die everybody!!!!!!!
12:30 am, Me: Hmm, a Lifetime movie about a woman on the run from her abusive husband? Jaaaaaackpot!
1:21 am, Me: Whaaaaaat? Now the abused lady found a new man. Shoot me!
1:22 am, Me: WTF! Now the guy is running away with her.
1:26 am, Me: And now they are boning. This is just inappropriate.
1:32 am, Me: The new boyfriend is proposing! Fuck my life!!!!!
1:44 am, Me: Keeps getting better, she just had a baby.
2:01 am, Me: The FBI found her. She spent nine months in jail but was found innocent. She now lives happily with her new husband and baby in Idaho. Text me in the morning to make sure I didn't off myself and/or Zoey didn't eat my dead face.
7:33 am, Her: You are a stage five clinger. You should've watched Whale Wars and taken your ass to bed.