Most of my serious relationships have been long distance. I kind of miss having a long distance relationship. Have you ever had one? Seriously. They are awwwwwwesum.
Dear Potential Boyfriends in Far Away Lands,
These are the top ten reasons I think long distance relationships kick ass:
10. You do not need to be up in my shit; I don't need to be up in your shit. Geography makes this possible.
9. I love exploring new places and you can show off your town. Let's yelp the night away!!
8. We can have hot phone sex while I wear my sweatpants/sports bra combo and you can picture whatever you want instead.
7. Leg shaving only becomes important on the weekends we see each other. This guarantees you nothing but smooth gams.
6. My work schedule gives me weekends, Christmas, spring break, and the whole summer off. Really, baby, I'm available.
5. Having a long distance relationship lengthens the amount of time we spend together before we feel comfortable enough to pee in front of each other. Pee-watching, if you didn't know, is a sign that romance has left the building.
4. Alternatively, we will probably have to live together when we are visiting each other. This is good test run for the future...you know, the one I've planned where we get married and have babies and buy a minivan!!!
(Well, definitely about the mini-van.)
3. Internet porn is totally understandable when your girlfriend is miles away. Go right ahead, my love!
2. Remember when your parents saved up all their pennies to take you on a Florida beach vacation? That's my backyard.
1. I'm sure that there is a man for me out there, but the possibility of him living in this town is slim. Therefore, if boys in other regions don't step up the plate, I will die old and alone, with no one but a bitchy cat to mourn me.
So you see, long distance relationships are amazing! Cute, friendly animal lovers with light baggage please apply today.