Thursday, August 5, 2010

long distance provider

Most of my serious relationships have been long distance. I kind of miss having a long distance relationship. Have you ever had one? Seriously. They are awwwwwwesum.

Dear Potential Boyfriends in Far Away Lands,

These are the top ten reasons I think long distance relationships kick ass:

10. You do not need to be up in my shit; I don't need to be up in your shit. Geography makes this possible.

9. I love exploring new places and you can show off your town. Let's yelp the night away!!

8. We can have hot phone sex while I wear my sweatpants/sports bra combo and you can picture whatever you want instead.

7. Leg shaving only becomes important on the weekends we see each other. This guarantees you nothing but smooth gams.

6. My work schedule gives me weekends, Christmas, spring break, and the whole summer off. Really, baby, I'm available.

5. Having a long distance relationship lengthens the amount of time we spend together before we feel comfortable enough to pee in front of each other. Pee-watching, if you didn't know, is a sign that romance has left the building.

4. Alternatively, we will probably have to live together when we are visiting each other. This is good test run for the future...you know, the one I've planned where we get married and have babies and buy a minivan!!!

(Just kidding.)

(Maybe.)

(Well, definitely about the mini-van.)

3. Internet porn is totally understandable when your girlfriend is miles away. Go right ahead, my love!

2. Remember when your parents saved up all their pennies to take you on a Florida beach vacation? That's my backyard.

1. I'm sure that there is a man for me out there, but the possibility of him living in this town is slim. Therefore, if boys in other regions don't step up the plate, I will die old and alone, with no one but a bitchy cat to mourn me.

So you see, long distance relationships are amazing! Cute, friendly animal lovers with light baggage please apply today.

With love,
wg

6 comments:

emilysuze said...

Long distance is pretty nice. I only have to shave my legs every three months. ;)

And never fear, if you do die old and alone, more than a bitchy cat would mourn you. :)

Natalie said...

I married my long distance boyfriend. Enough said!

Prrakas said...

I had a long distance relationship once.. long time ago: we left it because the distance was tooooo long. Now I don't know how we live only 10 Km away from eachother! He has a girlfriend and I'm single again. Love your blog!

wiki-san said...

I've never been in a long distance relationship.

But all of those pointers (or at least most of them anyways) still apply to non long distance relationships. They just seem to happen a lot quicker.

Like not shaving as often, peeing in front of each other, blah blah blah.

Oh so joyous.

And you won't have to worry about a 'bitchy cat' being the only one to mourn you. A lot of us near and far away readers would be there. :)

The Everyday Woman said...

Yes, but your bitchy cat is awesum! :)

haha don't worry, there's someone out there worthy of your lifelong companionship!

<3 Heather

buttehead said...

Careful what you wish for...