matchbox 20

It's 3 am, I must be lonely. She says, baby, I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes.

Emily - I love you.

No lists, because tonight, I'm just going to fight through it with infomercials.

the goldenest girl

I never paid attention to my body when I was younger. If I got sick, I didn't make the connection that a certain food made me sick. Headaches were just something that happened. It wasn't until I lost almost 50 pounds that I began paying attention to how food/lifestyle affects my body.

Honestly, it makes me feel like an old lady! What makes me feel like an even older lady is the fact that I'm going to share it with you. Maybe I'm channeling my dad's mom, who used to call and leave messages on our answering machine that ended with, "Got to go, love, I've got a touch of the runs!" (She was British, so be sure to read it in an accent.)

Here's to you, Nan! And here are some things I've come to know as truth about my body:

1. I should never, ever consume raw broccoli. Just the thought of eating raw broccoli induces painful gas spasms.
2. Using healthy oils clears up my skin better than ProActiv. I try to get 2 tsp a day of EVOO.
3. White bread might as well be called intestinal glue.
4. White wine creates a worse hangover than expensive vodka.
5. Naproxen sodium kicks ibuprofen's ass when it comes to period cramps.
6. A headache occurs for three reasons. An all-over headache means I'm dehydrated. A headache that creates pressure around my eyes means sinuses. A headache when I wake up means I didn't follow rule 4.
7. My tan fades, my tan lines stay forever.
8. My hair is easier to manage if I allow it to air-dry to 10-15 minutes before blow-drying.
9. Fiber is the best weight management weapon.
10. Drinking caffeine after going awhile without it makes me nauseous.

When did I get so old? Beware of a future post about my morning beauty regiment! Sheesh.

in less than one month...

I'll be in Jamaica!

I'm trying to encompass my emotions (if at all possible) about this trip. I've divided them into three categories.

Excitement
Excitement is definitely registering pretty high on the emotions scale right now. My excitement is prevalent for a myriad of reasons. Leaving the country was something I wanted to make happen for this summer. I'm determined to stop being one of those "talk about it, never actually do it" people. So, I'm psyched to actually be following through with something THIS BIG. Also, I'll be serving a purpose. I can't see myself taking a vacation to "relax" - I just don't think I'm wired that way. I'm also pretty stoked to be traveling alone. I literally don't know anyone else who's going on this trip. This is a huge step for me. I'm living brave and it's exciting. However, it's also playing up my next emotion of...

Fear
Anticipation of the unknown is the driving force behind my fear. While I'm excited to meet new people, it still makes me a little nervous. What if there's no one to "click" with me and I spend two weeks in Jamaica as a loner? What if everyone else is traveling with someone and I'm the odd man out? What if everyone is really mean, or overly nice, or astounding stupid? What if, what if, what if! It also doesn't help that people keep pointing out that Jamaica is dangerous. Literally, someone told me, "Unless you stay at a resort, just plan on getting mugged." Well, I'm NOT staying at a resort and I'm putting all my trust with this company I found on the internet. Which is probably why I'm also feeling a lot of ...

Disbelief
I still can't believe that I, L.M.L, spent this much cash on something I'm this unsure about. I still can't believe that I'll actually end up going. I still can't believe that someone people say things like, "Why would you spend money to go volunteer? Shouldn't they pay you?" I'm also in a bit of disbelief (or perhaps awe) that some people were so supportive. The response to my fund raising letters for my plane ticket brought me to tears. It's nice to know that there are people in your life who will always love and support you.

So, right now, Excitement + Fear + Disbelief = Me. And I've still got three weeks to go!

at work

So...

what does a sinus infection feel like?

Is it a stuffy head and congested feeling? Does it feel like everything in your nose is pooling in the cavity above your throat? Perhaps your eyes are watery and your head is pounding and you feel like butt?

Whatever this is, I have it.

Uhg.

a mini-lesson in irony

Is it okay to be a little pissed when your ex-boyfriend (who never uploaded any pictures with you to his myspace/facebook when you were dating) suddenly uploads a bunch of new pictures of himself ... that you took? Pictures from trips he took with you ... only no one else would ever know you were even there because he's standing alone in every photo? Is it okay to be just a little pissed about that?

I guess that's why we broke up. I guess he was too self-absorbed.

Riiiiiight.

(hee, hee)

the three R's

For some reason, I feel like recent eco-obsession is a second time coming. I vividly remember being in 3rd grade and knowing a lot about "being green". My best friend Megan and I even formed a club called Earth Talk. We had a theme song, too! Imagine my nine-year-old pipes belting this out:

Earth Talk! E-E-E-Earth Talk!

That's all I remember of the song. I also remember we were obsessed with the book 365 Things Kids Can Do to Save the Planet. We used it to find facts and write a letter to the editor, which was published in the local paper. A few days later, a really nice old lady sent us a book she'd written about preserving Florida. We never read the book - it was written for adults and totally boring - but it was a really sweet gesture. I can't wait to be an old lady who reads the letters to the editors and peddles copies of my books to unsuspecting nine year olds.

As co-presidents, secretaries and treasurers of Earth Talk, Megan and I would hold club meetings. We'd think up ways to recruit new members and brainstorm ways to harass our parents into recycling. I also deemed my big sister, Janine, unfit for the club because when we saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road she didn't cry! No member of Earth Talk would treat the tragic loss of one of Earth's creatures with such insignificance. I think I got in trouble for not letting her join. Maybe we should've spent time writing more song lyrics instead.

So, lately, with recent green-craze, I can't help but think the recent campaign for recycling has been recycled. I feel like I've heard this all before, only, now it's a lot scarier because I can read and comprehend those adult books. And in the spirit of recycling, I've tried to revamp the three R's in my life.

Reduce - I create a lot of trash with my bag lunches. So I switched to a lunch box (a really ugly, bright red monstrosity I got free for filing my taxes with Jackson Hewitt) and I pack my sandwich in a tupperware container. I also started carrying the Nalgene I got at Montreat instead of throwing out a water bottle every day.

Reuse - My new favorite thing are my recycled bags from Publix. They're 99 cents and hold four times the amount of a plastic bag. I also bought a gigantic blue bag from IKEA that will hold over fifty pounds. It cost 59 cents. IKEA actually makes you buy your bag or bring your own. They don't give you plastic ones for free. This idea, I love.

Recycle - I do recycle! My condo is one of the only in the area that offers recycling. I also recycle paper like crazy at work. If the kids do one side of the worksheet without wrinkling too many edges, it goes right back through the printer again for round two.

I'm glad for my eco reunion. It's like reconnecting with an old, green friend. Have you re-examined the three R's yet?

today is one of those

lazy saturdays
nothing to do
lounge by the pool
ignore the dirty dishes
eat cheese for lunch
face mask...

yeah.

when is daughter day? that I can do.

There's nothing worse than shopping for a Mother's Day card when you're a member of the Dead Mother's Club.

Ok.

Poverty...Famine...Widespread Disease.

That's all bad stuff, too.

But seriously. Every year it's the same damn battle. I can't not get my step mom, Sally, a card, but I refuse to get one that begins "Dear Mother" or "To a Special Mom" or "From Mother to Daughter".

When I was younger, it was a much bigger deal to call Sally "Mom". I even went through a phase of referring to her as "My Father's Wife" instead of my "Step Mom", because I refused to associate any variation of the word "mom" with someone who not only wasn't my mom, but was the complete opposite of my mom. I'm sure Steve and Sally saw this as me being difficult and obnoxious. I think it was more of a combination of confusion and hormones.

But now, I just kind of throw her parental title in when appropriate. Steve and Sally are "my parents", and Sally is usually referred to as "my Stepmom". Still, a part of me just feels like it's a betrayal to call her "Mom", or give her something that says "Mom". It's inappropriate. It's weird.

I don't care if my mom died seventeen years ago this Christmas. I still miss her every single day.

The card companies don't help. There's the invariable "Step-Mother" card. But the word "Step-Mother" is so commonly preceded by the word "Evil" that to call someone that by name in a greeting card just seems mean.

Then you get the "You're Like a Mom to Me" cards. I like to buy these to the people who are like a mom to me, such as Mama Trish. She was my mom's best friend and has been actively interested in me and my life since she met me. She guilts me like a mom for not seeing her enough or not letting her know when I come to town, but a big chunk of my heart is carved out for Mama Trish. But I feel like telling Sally she's "Like a Mom" is insulting. I feel like it's saying she's not good enough for the "real" mom card, even though she's been married to my dad since I was thirteen.

It's not that I don't love Sally. Really, I do. She's a wonderful person - kind, caring, and a yummy good cook. She's done a lot for me and for my dad.

But she's just not my Mom.

And sometimes shopping for a stupid card on a stupid made-up holiday is just another stupid reminder that mine will never come back.

Hallmark agitates my angst.

And after about thirty minutes of huffing and puffing in the card section, I always just buy the generic 99 cent one with a flower on the front and "Happy Mother's Day" with no particular dedication on the inside.

And you thought Valentines was a crock.

*Re-reading this post makes me sound super-negative! Oh well. We all have our moments, right?

bff reunion

There's something to be said about the person who knows you better than anyone else.


There's something to be said about the person who can tell what you're thinking just by looking at your face.


There's something to be said about the person who touches you in a special way.


Who knew that person would have the world's cutest little girl?


And I wouldn't drop and break her?


Or that this cute little girl would actually like me?


Yep. Best Friends Forever.