Monday, May 26, 2008

in less than one month...

I'll be in Jamaica!

I'm trying to encompass my emotions (if at all possible) about this trip. I've divided them into three categories.

Excitement is definitely registering pretty high on the emotions scale right now. My excitement is prevalent for a myriad of reasons. Leaving the country was something I wanted to make happen for this summer. I'm determined to stop being one of those "talk about it, never actually do it" people. So, I'm psyched to actually be following through with something THIS BIG. Also, I'll be serving a purpose. I can't see myself taking a vacation to "relax" - I just don't think I'm wired that way. I'm also pretty stoked to be traveling alone. I literally don't know anyone else who's going on this trip. This is a huge step for me. I'm living brave and it's exciting. However, it's also playing up my next emotion of...

Anticipation of the unknown is the driving force behind my fear. While I'm excited to meet new people, it still makes me a little nervous. What if there's no one to "click" with me and I spend two weeks in Jamaica as a loner? What if everyone else is traveling with someone and I'm the odd man out? What if everyone is really mean, or overly nice, or astounding stupid? What if, what if, what if! It also doesn't help that people keep pointing out that Jamaica is dangerous. Literally, someone told me, "Unless you stay at a resort, just plan on getting mugged." Well, I'm NOT staying at a resort and I'm putting all my trust with this company I found on the internet. Which is probably why I'm also feeling a lot of ...

I still can't believe that I, L.M.L, spent this much cash on something I'm this unsure about. I still can't believe that I'll actually end up going. I still can't believe that someone people say things like, "Why would you spend money to go volunteer? Shouldn't they pay you?" I'm also in a bit of disbelief (or perhaps awe) that some people were so supportive. The response to my fund raising letters for my plane ticket brought me to tears. It's nice to know that there are people in your life who will always love and support you.

So, right now, Excitement + Fear + Disbelief = Me. And I've still got three weeks to go!

1 comment:

emilysuze said...

You are the poster child for living brave! I can't wait for you to go and I can't wait for you to come back and share your experiences with the rest of us!