Therapist: Thinking is your brain's way of trying to process emotions.
Me: My brain doesn't process. It only replays images in my head over and over again to scrutinize. No actual processing takes place. Just irrational, non-stop analyzing.
Therapist: So I'm guessing you don't use thinking as a relaxation technique.
Me: (Snort. Eye roll.)
Therapist: Well, we need to change your way of thinking.
Me: Good luck. Many Republicans have come before you with similar intent, and failed.
Therapist: I was thinking more along the lines of "emotional observation."
Me: What the fudge is that?
Therapist: Instead of saying, "Why did this person leave me" or "What did I do wrong", you should try just making a simple observation about your feelings.
Me: I feel this is awkward.
Therapist: Ok, now we are getting somewhere. So next time you think, "Why did MLL give up on our relationship", you should stop and say to yourself, "I feel disappointed. I did not see that coming."
Therapist: Yes. If you can just label your emotion from the get-go, you won't drive yourself crazy with the questioning. The questioning leads to over-analyzing, which isn't helpful. Just label it from the start.
Me: I feel speechless.
Therapist: Much better. Except, we've got thirty more minutes, so you might think up something else to discuss.
Me: I feel pressured. I already told you about my ex-boyfriends and my dead mom. What else do you want?
Therapist: (Sigh. Eye Roll.)