Sunday, December 20, 2009

love and the internets

I know a lot of people who use internet dating sites. I used to be one of them. Lately, I just can't find the motivation.

I used to equate my days to "internet shopping for men". Like any other glorious website, I could mix and match my preferences. Size? Color? Delivery? With one click I could place them in a shopping cart. Maybe I'd complete my purchase, maybe I wouldn't. Winks were like carrying the item around the store. I might try it on; I might put it back on the rack. Sometimes I would buy things. Inevitably I would return them.

Not that it wasn't fun. I met nice people. I enjoyed many a free dinner and drinks. One of those guys even stuck around for awhile. In the end, we weren't meant to be. Granted, it took about three breakups to realize it, but I don't regret our foray of dating that began on the internets.

I don't know. Sometimes I want to be with someone and sometimes I just crave my solitude. Do people always expect us singletons to want to be with someone else? Does anyone have success with internet dating beyond the people who look related and star in e-harmony commercials?

The one change I notice in myself is the desire to take care of someone else. For so long, I've been an insufferable victim. "I've been taking care of myself since I was ten, wah, wah, wah!" The exhausting experience of financially putting myself through college coupled with my innate independence has rendered me somewhat useless in the girl-who-needs-rescuing category. If I need rescuing, damn it, I'll do it myself. Later it became, I can't rescue anyone because I'm too busy taking care of me. At some point, this morphed into, I'm so tired of taking care of me! I'm going to die alone! (Ok, that's usually after some alcoholic persuasion and someone drops a wrench in your engine. Literally.)

Now, I kind-of feel like I'm ready to strike that balance of taking care of myself and someone else. I want to be a good wife. I want a good husband. I would like to be with someone who can fix my car and maybe enjoy eating any of the three things I know how to cook. I would like to meet someone who laughs at my jokes and makes me laugh, too. I would just like to be in a relationship that allows me the space I need and the chance to make someone else's life a little better, too.

Oh shit. I'm a grown-up.



-= Marlette =- said...

A friend of mine had great success with ... he met a girl that is just as wierd and quirky and great as he is ... they've happily been together for 9 months.

They both had their fare share of meeting the wrong person using the internets, but like your story, enjoyed the company and conversation, even if it only lasted 1 night.

This world is a crazy, crazy place. I hope that you meet someone incredible - it doesn't matter if its on the internets or in real life :)

emilysuze said...

Marry a military officer. Lots of great benefits and he's gone for months at a time. Gives you that relationship but also the space you need. :)

emilysuze said...

P.S. He could give you his GI Bill benefits and that would pay for most of your grad school costs. Score! :)

Jenni said...

My favorite e-dating and btw last e-dating experience was the guy who turned out to have red hair and a mullet and was dressed like a car mechanic. SCORE!

thetomboyeffect said...

hey, whats wrong with red hair? ;)