This Christmas is one of the best in memory. We played Scrabble. We watched our L-decker family favorite Mel Brooks classic, "Young Frankenstein". We dressed up for church. We sang hymns. My niece and nephew woke us up the next morning - time for presents and breakfast casserole. Sweet.
Church was an interesting experience. As we sang each hymn, I kept debating which line to select for my facebook status update. Meaningful, I know. I'm such a deep thinker.
You see, I try every year not to think about her. I try think about Jesus. He's the reason for the season, right? The babe in the manger, the wise men, the star, the sheperds, etc etc. I think, "It really was nice of God to send us his son." I think, "I probably would've thought Mary was a slutty lunatic," and "Those wise men were crack smokers - who brings a baby gifts like that?"
None of it works. But I don't feel guilty. I just really miss my mom at Christmas. I think about how she died on Christmas Eve, how the life just left her and how I believe, more than anything, that life eternal was waiting. I have faith God planned this. Imagine just being alone on any other day - no family, no hymns, no candles, no choir, no reminder of how much you are loved by God.
So, I don't feel bad that I can't concentrate during church on Christmas. Even if every year I get sad and re circumvent my way back around to the l-o-v-e message, I bet it was His plan all along.