Saturday, February 6, 2010

target therapy

Target now prints out coupons at the cash register. It kind-of freaks me out how well the Target computer system knows me.

Coupons for the brand of cat food Zoey loves? Great. Coupons for $5 off a new pair of shoes? Fabulous. Coupons for those feminine products right on time? Ok, now that's just weird.

However, bizarre as it may sound, I have accepted the fact that Target is my new therapist.

Observe:

This week I stopped into Target. While paying, the register popped out a coupon for Cottonelle Moistened Toilet Wipes. My heart dropped. A silly boy I haven't thought about in quite some time used those butt wipes. He loved them. Wouldn't poop without them. He traveled with them. Do you know any other boy who travels with butt wipes?

Sigh. Memories flooded back. I grabbed the coupon and receipt, jumped into my car, and sat staring at the stupid coupon. Stupid memories. Was this a sign? Should I call him? Why couldn't it work? Stupid butt wipes.

Then it hit me.

Butt wipes.

Butt wipes?

I was getting upset over butt wipes?

He was a butt wipe. This was a crock of shit. I was through letting someone crap all over me and ruin my day.

Screw you, butt wipe.

And thank you, Target.

wg

5 comments:

Victoria Maria said...

Life just has a really weird way of doing that to us, doesn't it?
Getting over sad memories, for the win!!

emilysuze said...

This made me laugh because my one really hugely serious relationship that left me broken-hearted and in the place to meet Chris, was with a guy who lurved those butt wipes too! Chris likes them as well, but I can't buy them because it just reminds me of the other guy, so Chris has to go butt wipe-less to save my sanity.

And I'm glad that Target's coupons didn't bring you to the point where you texted and regretted. Who needs a guy who is co-dependent on butt wipes, anyway?

The Working Girl said...

Very true, VM! Personally, I am a fan of a dry hiney, so I don't understand this butt wipe appeal. Too funny about Chris and the other guy liking them, too, Em. Perhaps the butt wipe people should think of a way to advertise to men.

thefatblaster said...

What a great way to introduce a memory. Yeah, butt wipes are for kids.

KeeraVivian said...

LOL! This is one of the funniest blog entries I ever read. What a beautiful analogy.
I didn't know they sold moistened butt wipes!! We're deprived in Canada