keep my house particularly clean
have a good reason for being late to work so often
really need to spend the whole day watching tv
check my voicemail
want to keep gaining back these 5 pounds
always enjoy my job
floss
read books like I used to
shave my legs every day, or even every other day
budget effectively every month
communicate with my parents
like any variation on the word breasts except boobs
particularly have the best taste in music
call the people I miss the most
or always tell the truth,
but I still think I'm pretty cool.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
a list
These are the current things I am over analyzing:
1. What is worse - meeting someone you spark with but being totally incompatible? meeting someone you are totally compatible with but not sparking? or giving up the hope that you will never get both in one package?
2. How did I get to be such a loner? When did I stop letting people get close to me? Have I been living by myself for too long? Am I going to turn into my weird, anti-social, elitist co-worker with whom I was desperately in love with and then devastatingly crushed by?
3. Is it a good thing not to cry as much as I used to? On one hand, yes, because it was kind of interfering with work. On the other hand, no, because I feel a pent up emotion that I can't release. Is it my drugs?
4. Did I over extend myself this year? I currently have 3 paying gigs (teaching, assistant athletic directing, tutoring); 2 major volunteer commitments (Montreat and People to People); 2 bridesmaid obligations (Marcia and Jenni); a family (who I never get to see); friends (who I have to fit in); a dog (with a 14 year old arthritis-stricken pair of legs); a cat (with the need to destroy my house); a latin lover (who I don't know if I actually love yet); an ex-boyfriend (who wants me to hold his hand while he gets over me); the dream of going back to graduate school (if I can ever pick a degree); a mortgage (with a growing stack of bills); and oh yeah, the job of taking care of me.
5. Am I old? Was that a grey hair or just a really, really, really blond highlight? When did those wrinkles under my eyes get there? Is it the result of sun damage or age? If I feel like I look so much older, why do people still think I'm 16?
No wonder I can't sleep.
WG
1. What is worse - meeting someone you spark with but being totally incompatible? meeting someone you are totally compatible with but not sparking? or giving up the hope that you will never get both in one package?
2. How did I get to be such a loner? When did I stop letting people get close to me? Have I been living by myself for too long? Am I going to turn into my weird, anti-social, elitist co-worker with whom I was desperately in love with and then devastatingly crushed by?
3. Is it a good thing not to cry as much as I used to? On one hand, yes, because it was kind of interfering with work. On the other hand, no, because I feel a pent up emotion that I can't release. Is it my drugs?
4. Did I over extend myself this year? I currently have 3 paying gigs (teaching, assistant athletic directing, tutoring); 2 major volunteer commitments (Montreat and People to People); 2 bridesmaid obligations (Marcia and Jenni); a family (who I never get to see); friends (who I have to fit in); a dog (with a 14 year old arthritis-stricken pair of legs); a cat (with the need to destroy my house); a latin lover (who I don't know if I actually love yet); an ex-boyfriend (who wants me to hold his hand while he gets over me); the dream of going back to graduate school (if I can ever pick a degree); a mortgage (with a growing stack of bills); and oh yeah, the job of taking care of me.
5. Am I old? Was that a grey hair or just a really, really, really blond highlight? When did those wrinkles under my eyes get there? Is it the result of sun damage or age? If I feel like I look so much older, why do people still think I'm 16?
No wonder I can't sleep.
WG
Thursday, January 29, 2009
hugs not drugs
Being on anti-depressants is weird.
The majority of the time, I feel great. I don't feel sad all the time. My thoughts are much less overwhelming. The racing thoughts no longer exist. I actually wear mascara because I can go through an entire day without crying.
I no longer live inside an adolescent poem.
(although I still indulge myself in metaphors)
This new life, the majority of the time, is awe sum. I like feeling silly and goofy all the time, as opposed to just some of the time. I like being able to enjoy my day and instead of being consumed by thoughts of neverendingsadnessanddespair. It's like operating in a realm you never knew existed - the realm of normal people who don't feel like killing themselves every three to four weeks.
Who knew a tiny, pink pill was capable of all that?
However, there are those days, those certain days when the sad things come around, and I feel awkwardly out of touch with my old self. For so long, I was sad. I could do sad. Let's face it, I was the master and sad was my bitch! But now, with this medication, I can't crawl back into my sad place. It's a place that I was so used to being able to find in a moment's notice. And now, it's gone.
So what do you do when you're sad, and you can't find the sad place, and that makes you even more sad ...
The pills (obviously) can't control the over-analyzing. It's just that on nights like these, I hope they don't control me. That thought just makes me really ... sad.
The majority of the time, I feel great. I don't feel sad all the time. My thoughts are much less overwhelming. The racing thoughts no longer exist. I actually wear mascara because I can go through an entire day without crying.
I no longer live inside an adolescent poem.
(although I still indulge myself in metaphors)
This new life, the majority of the time, is awe sum. I like feeling silly and goofy all the time, as opposed to just some of the time. I like being able to enjoy my day and instead of being consumed by thoughts of neverendingsadnessanddespair. It's like operating in a realm you never knew existed - the realm of normal people who don't feel like killing themselves every three to four weeks.
Who knew a tiny, pink pill was capable of all that?
However, there are those days, those certain days when the sad things come around, and I feel awkwardly out of touch with my old self. For so long, I was sad. I could do sad. Let's face it, I was the master and sad was my bitch! But now, with this medication, I can't crawl back into my sad place. It's a place that I was so used to being able to find in a moment's notice. And now, it's gone.
So what do you do when you're sad, and you can't find the sad place, and that makes you even more sad ...
The pills (obviously) can't control the over-analyzing. It's just that on nights like these, I hope they don't control me. That thought just makes me really ... sad.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Quiero tu hablar sucio a mi...
So, as you may or may not know, I've been dating someone for about six weeks now. I'm not going to use his name, so I will simply refer to him as MLL, short for My Latin Lover.
Here's a fun fact I learned about myself - I'm afraid of commitment! I wasn't always this way. In fact, one time I was going on about how loyal of a girlfriend I am that my friend told me I was sounding more like a rescued golden retriever and less like a smokin, smart woman.
Here's how I learned about this new fear:
1. I didn't want to change my status on facebook or myspace from "single".
2. I prefer calling him "MLL" or "Novio" as opposed to boyfriend.
3. I am terrified of meeting his mother.
4. I am me, and therefore, prone to overanalyzing.
However, MLL and I have a very honest relationship. He knows how I feel and does not try to push me. It's a little like role reversal. He is the "typical" girl ... I know he already has our wedding planned and our kids named. And I break out in hives at the slightest mention of either.
The great thing about being with MLL is his super sexiness. I feel like I am spoiling myself every time I'm with him. I thought I'd share some pictures with my readers, so you can see for yourself.
WG
Here's a fun fact I learned about myself - I'm afraid of commitment! I wasn't always this way. In fact, one time I was going on about how loyal of a girlfriend I am that my friend told me I was sounding more like a rescued golden retriever and less like a smokin, smart woman.
Here's how I learned about this new fear:
1. I didn't want to change my status on facebook or myspace from "single".
2. I prefer calling him "MLL" or "Novio" as opposed to boyfriend.
3. I am terrified of meeting his mother.
4. I am me, and therefore, prone to overanalyzing.
However, MLL and I have a very honest relationship. He knows how I feel and does not try to push me. It's a little like role reversal. He is the "typical" girl ... I know he already has our wedding planned and our kids named. And I break out in hives at the slightest mention of either.
The great thing about being with MLL is his super sexiness. I feel like I am spoiling myself every time I'm with him. I thought I'd share some pictures with my readers, so you can see for yourself.
Warning: Do Not Look Directly Into The Eyes Of MLL!
You may find yourself being swept away.
You may find yourself being swept away.
And, I'm sorry for the cheesy kissing picture, but it was New Years for me and MLL!
WGMonday, January 19, 2009
painting and kate nash
My bathroom is slowly becoming a nice, icy shade of pink.
I'm rocking out to my favorite Kate Nash songs. Yeah, you made me happy, made me merry, merry happy but you obviously didn't want to stick around, so I learned from you.
Da-da-da-doot-doo.
Watching Zoey get paint on her whiskers and sneeze repeatedly is pretty hysterical, and a funny payback for the vase incident.
It was dumb to start a painting project at 5:30 in the evening. I guess I'll finish tomorrow.
Peace,
The WG
I'm rocking out to my favorite Kate Nash songs. Yeah, you made me happy, made me merry, merry happy but you obviously didn't want to stick around, so I learned from you.
Da-da-da-doot-doo.
Watching Zoey get paint on her whiskers and sneeze repeatedly is pretty hysterical, and a funny payback for the vase incident.
It was dumb to start a painting project at 5:30 in the evening. I guess I'll finish tomorrow.
Peace,
The WG
Saturday, January 17, 2009
pistachio - what you call an angry achio
The current things are all making me quite grumpy:
1. The onset of 40-something women on facebook. Now, don't get me wrong. I have a lot of 40-something friends. I'm a teacher, we run in packs. So, do I mind when they are on my facebook? No. Do I mind when the whacky science teacher who I purposefully avoid and the secretary I just met two months ago want to be my facebook friends? Yes. I don't know these people, and I hate thinking that facebook is one more place I have to censor myself. However, I can't say no, because I see them at work and might need a favor from them one day. Also, I am a nice person and I can't say no to anything. Damn it!
2. My sisters are going to the inauguration without me. Well, Levana lives in DC so I can't really be mad at her. But, my sister Janine is going to drive up with one of her friends and not with me. I can't remember if she invited me, and if she did I probably said no because I can't afford it, but I'm still all angsty about it. I want to be there, too! However, my practical side knows that I'm still paying down the debt from my last trip to DC and that I want to go back on my spring break, so I can't go this time. Let's just not vote for change in 2012 and re-elect Barack so I can go to the Obama Inauguration 2.0 .
3. I forgot to buy cat food last night, and so my bipolar cat knocked my favorite vase off the top counter in retalliation. I swear that bitch is posessed.
4. Last night I had a craving for something sweet, and I ate an entire box of Mike and Ikes. The whole ridiculous box. I couldn't stop eating. I felt like one of the Biggest Loser contestants. All day I was having dreams about Mike and Ikes and then there I was, on the couch, watching the Sex in the City movie and sucking down a box full of fruity goodness.
5. I just found out that I have an 8am Leadership Meeting on Tuesday, the day after my three day weekend break. This means I will have to wake up an hour early, get to work an hour early, and sit in a tiny room to discuss non-sensical ramblings of the education vernacular and get no real work done since as the Leadership Team, we have no real power and have to wait for Steering's approval anyway.
6. This is my first real blog update in awhile and it's all negative! Oh well. That's reality, suckers!!! I used to be friends with these girls who didn't want you around if you had "negative energy" and I felt like I couldn't have a bad day. They would want me to internalize it and use stupid psuedo-religion crap like The Secret to make it all go away. Fuck that! Sometimes you are just in a mother-fucking bad mood and people are going to have to deal with you. Stick that on your vision boards and suck it!
7. I am now pissed that #6 just made me feel a lot better and I don't have anything left to blog about! Damn you!
WG
1. The onset of 40-something women on facebook. Now, don't get me wrong. I have a lot of 40-something friends. I'm a teacher, we run in packs. So, do I mind when they are on my facebook? No. Do I mind when the whacky science teacher who I purposefully avoid and the secretary I just met two months ago want to be my facebook friends? Yes. I don't know these people, and I hate thinking that facebook is one more place I have to censor myself. However, I can't say no, because I see them at work and might need a favor from them one day. Also, I am a nice person and I can't say no to anything. Damn it!
2. My sisters are going to the inauguration without me. Well, Levana lives in DC so I can't really be mad at her. But, my sister Janine is going to drive up with one of her friends and not with me. I can't remember if she invited me, and if she did I probably said no because I can't afford it, but I'm still all angsty about it. I want to be there, too! However, my practical side knows that I'm still paying down the debt from my last trip to DC and that I want to go back on my spring break, so I can't go this time. Let's just not vote for change in 2012 and re-elect Barack so I can go to the Obama Inauguration 2.0 .
3. I forgot to buy cat food last night, and so my bipolar cat knocked my favorite vase off the top counter in retalliation. I swear that bitch is posessed.
4. Last night I had a craving for something sweet, and I ate an entire box of Mike and Ikes. The whole ridiculous box. I couldn't stop eating. I felt like one of the Biggest Loser contestants. All day I was having dreams about Mike and Ikes and then there I was, on the couch, watching the Sex in the City movie and sucking down a box full of fruity goodness.
5. I just found out that I have an 8am Leadership Meeting on Tuesday, the day after my three day weekend break. This means I will have to wake up an hour early, get to work an hour early, and sit in a tiny room to discuss non-sensical ramblings of the education vernacular and get no real work done since as the Leadership Team, we have no real power and have to wait for Steering's approval anyway.
6. This is my first real blog update in awhile and it's all negative! Oh well. That's reality, suckers!!! I used to be friends with these girls who didn't want you around if you had "negative energy" and I felt like I couldn't have a bad day. They would want me to internalize it and use stupid psuedo-religion crap like The Secret to make it all go away. Fuck that! Sometimes you are just in a mother-fucking bad mood and people are going to have to deal with you. Stick that on your vision boards and suck it!
7. I am now pissed that #6 just made me feel a lot better and I don't have anything left to blog about! Damn you!
WG
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