Being on anti-depressants is weird.
The majority of the time, I feel great. I don't feel sad all the time. My thoughts are much less overwhelming. The racing thoughts no longer exist. I actually wear mascara because I can go through an entire day without crying.
I no longer live inside an adolescent poem.
(although I still indulge myself in metaphors)
This new life, the majority of the time, is awe sum. I like feeling silly and goofy all the time, as opposed to just some of the time. I like being able to enjoy my day and instead of being consumed by thoughts of neverendingsadnessanddespair. It's like operating in a realm you never knew existed - the realm of normal people who don't feel like killing themselves every three to four weeks.
Who knew a tiny, pink pill was capable of all that?
However, there are those days, those certain days when the sad things come around, and I feel awkwardly out of touch with my old self. For so long, I was sad. I could do sad. Let's face it, I was the master and sad was my bitch! But now, with this medication, I can't crawl back into my sad place. It's a place that I was so used to being able to find in a moment's notice. And now, it's gone.
So what do you do when you're sad, and you can't find the sad place, and that makes you even more sad ...
The pills (obviously) can't control the over-analyzing. It's just that on nights like these, I hope they don't control me. That thought just makes me really ... sad.