the alchemist made me do it

Everywhere I look lately, I am seeing the "oh"mens.

The co-worker contemplating a divorce because she "fell blindly in love in my twenties and never thought about what kind of man I would need in my forties."

The sister who finally opened herself up and admitted she would like a commitment only to get dumped because she "got really drunk and talked so much about commitment that it was a major turn off."

The friend who popped up out of nowhere because she "needed to talk to someone about the emails a mysterious sender was forwarding containing pictures of her husband kissing other girls."

The most wonderful girl in the world who let a few text messages with an ex go slightly past appropriate because she "just wanted to talk to someone who knew her back when she was someone else."

And finally, the WG who broke down and cried to MLL last night, because she "just couldn't keep it all inside any more and needed a place to let go of it all."

Oh. Men.

limericks

I'm teaching my munchkadoodle middle schoolers limericks today. Limericks are short, silly, somewhat cheeky poems. These are some I've written just for you:

For Parker
There once was a blogger named Em,
Who gave birth to a big wad of flem.
The nurse wiped her eyes,
and to her surprize,
A baby was suddenly among them!

Neighbor
We went to a rally for Obama,
And witnessed a whole lot of drama.
When Florida went blue,
I sure thought of you,
And all of the votes from your mama!

Daisy Lady
Round town in a convertible she drives,
It's a wonder she's even alive!
All other cars she wrecks,
and causes rubber necks,
Other drivers only hope to survive!

J & M
A romance like none in the world,
A passion so quickly unfurled,
Between this one pair
With brown and red hair,
Did I mention that they were both girls?

LL dot com
A big sister so fresh and so cleanie,
Who used to be cruel and quite meanie,
Santa Claus she would call,
And Christmas she'd stall,
For naughty Little Meg and The Beanie!

Dr. Cool
I know that my blog you still read,
I see you upon my life feed.
But others you'd rather,
Spend time with and gather,
And never your heart let it bleed.

Now try one for me!
:) WG

milestones

My life used to go something like this:

Friend: I'm engaged/getting married/having a baby!

Me: Congratulations!!!

Inner Me: Why aren't I doing those things? Why am I so behind? What's wrong with me?

Now my life goes something like this:

Friend: I'm engaged/ getting married/ having a baby!

Me: Congratulations!

Inner Me: Woo! Better you than me! Congratulations!!

Getting older is awe sum.

seriously unsanitary conditions

The day has come.

My job reach an all time low.

At today's faculty meeting, my principal informed us that the woman's faculty restroom has been left in "seriously unsanitary conditions" several days this week.

Think about what that means:

Seriously. Unsanitary. Conditions.

Her next words? "And that's putting it lightly."

This was followed by numerous stories of co-workers who had been afflicted by this growing problem. The details shared included (I'm not kidding) feces on the floor. Yes. You read that correctly. HUMAN FECES ON THE FLOOR!

So, after this insanely disgusting revelation, we began planning ways to catch the person responsible. They included:

1. If you enter the bathroom and see poop, immediately tell the office staff.
2. Installing new locks so that you will need a key to poop.
3. Monitoring the bathroom at all times to prevent student poops.
4. Having a sign-in sheet for poopers.

Hopefully, these tactics will prove fruitful in the hunt for the bathroom bandit. After all, everybody poops, so it could be any one of us, anywhere.

the most wonderful time of the year...

is Florida Festival season.

There is nothing better than walking around an outdoor fest, watching kids scramble between the tents and dogs panting in the shade. You've got your $5 homemade lemonade in one hand and your hot Latin Lover's hand in the other. The afternoon provides much needed time to stare at art you can't afford and eavesdrop on the conversations of those who can.

Don't MLL and I look adorable at the San Marco art festival?


We were rekindling the moment of when we first met, which also happened to be the first outdoor festival MLL ever attended! Of course, that was back when all MLL wanted was to get in my pants. It is, as he puts it, before he knew me and discovered he wanted more than what was in said pants. It also happens to be one of my favorite festivals, the Riverside Wine Fest. I think the wine-tasting somewhat affected the pants-desiring and then pants-denying.

Seeing that MLL had already popped his festival cherry, I took him to an art festival this weekend.

The San Marco Art Fest marks the coming of north Florida's fabulous outdoor festival season...

There's the Greater Atlantic Seafood Fest and Much Ado about Books in March, followed by Sprining the Blues in April, World of Nations, Fernandina Shrimp, Dancin' in the Streets, and Jax Jazz Festival in May, Moonlight Movies and the Screenwriter's Festival in June, a fabulous 4th of July scene at the beach, and the culminating Gay Pride week in August.

I hope this provides MLL with sufficient opportunities to buy me some funnel cake. It will probably help with the whole pants situation.

oh, folio

I love the Folio, NE Florida's alternative news source and entertainment guide. Sometimes I'll leave my house on a Tuesday night just to find the Folio, and curl up on the couch to read it cover to cover. The best part is the personals, especially the "I Saw U" section. I can only hope they are real. It makes me so much happier about Jacksonville's sense of humor. Here's a particularly great one from this week:

Mr. BoJangles
You: walking down Beach Blvd. with a friend, Bojangles box in hand. So sexy with your greasy chicken lips. Me: driving and drooling in a Black Lexus. I want you to butter my biscuits. Can I give you a ride?

Seriously? I love it. It reminds me of one of my all-time favorite movies, Ghost World. If you've never seen it, stop what you're doing and NetFlix it immediately! You can thank me later.

The Folio also has horoscopes. Like I've blogged before, I'm not big on horoscopes, but for some reason, this one just hit me. Scorpio, schmorpio ... but it's hauntingly familiar:

The world is once again falling deeply in love with you. Let's hope this time (unlike the last two), you'll accept its adoration in the spirit in which it is given. Let's hope that if the world offers you the moon, the dawn and the breeze, you won't reject these gifts and say what you really wanted was a comet, the sunset and a pie in the sky. There'd be nothing sadder than seeing the world suffer yet another case of unrequited love.

Huh.

if you love me...

you should tell me,

because I'm just the kind of girl who needs to hear it.