There's a book, recommended by a friend (read: therapist) about The Five Love Languages. I'm not big on the self-help genre, but I tried reading it about four years ago when I was in the Very Terrible Relationship. I got through most of the book. Basically, this theory states there are five ways we express love. Behold:
1. Quality Time
2. Acts of Service
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Physical Contact
Ideally, you will meet someone who speaks your love language. Or, if your significant other speaks another love language, you will both learn to unconsciously translate.
For awhile, I thought myself more a "Words of Affirmation" girl. My love affair with the English Language filters into my life on a daily basis. Sometimes for the best, when I'm searching for the perfect word to describe something. Sometimes for the worst, when I'm trying to decode every syllable in an email for hidden meaning. Still, I love my native tongue.
Then, I was all about the Physical Contact. Touch my body!!! But, at that point, I was just starved for affection. I was off the "being single is so fun and glamorous" train and on the "I need to get some" express.
Sometimes, I relate a lot to language of Quality Time. I like when people make time in their busy lives to return my phone calls or spend time with me. It hurts when they aren't there for special occasions. Quality Time is hard to find.
This book didn't help me with the Very Terrible Relationship, because the only cure for the Very Terrible Relationship was an Extremely Dramatic Breakup and Much Needed Separation. At the time, it did give me an interesting view in communicating with my family. And since my family isn't communicating as of late, I thought I'd get on the 5LL website and see if I could find the cure.
So, I logged on to diagnose my Love Language again.
My findings? I don't speak any of the love languages. They all made me feel a little uncomfortable. Therefore, I'm unable to love. Or be loved. Therefore, I am screwed. Awesum!
This really pissed me off.
Until I realized, I speak all those languages with myself.
I love myself when I spend quality time doing things I love, like an impromptu trip to the library or a walk on the beach with my dog. I love myself when I help other people, and know that I'm using my talents to make someone else's day a little better. I love myself with words when I stop myself from making jokes about my insecurities. I love my body when I'm eating right and buying clothes for the fit, not the size. I love myself when I spend money on something I really want, like a volunteer vacation or the secret weapons in my skin care arsenal.
It's been an uphill battle and a long time coming. But, right now, it's pretty easy to say "I love me." I'm proud of that. Besides, I think it's better to be quint lingual when it comes to love. If I can love myself in every language, I can surely love other people and let them love me. Don't you agree?