Saturday, August 15, 2009

I mean, seriously...

Why do people use the phrase, "I feel like a teenager" in reference to being in love? Doesn't anyone remember the heart ache? Doesn't anyone remember the devastation when the one you loved decided not to love you anymore? Doesn't anyone remember the hopelessness?

Well, shit. I do.

I wish I didn't care about you. I wish I could just shrug you off, place you as one among the many, forget you entirely. I don't know why I give you the power to hold on to a tiny piece of my heart. But I do.

Sometimes I do wish I was a teenager. As a teenager, I'd of done anything for you. I never would've broken up with you because I knew our relationship wasn't right. As a teenager, I never would've pushed you away and tried to make it work with someone who was much better for me. I'd of clung to you with a desire to prove just how great a girlfriend I could be.

But I'm not seventeen anymore. I'm twenty-seven. I make grown up choices. It sucks and it hurts and it feels as bad as it did back then. Being twenty-seven leaves me no other choice. I know what happens when you love like teenagers do. It aint pretty.

You seem happy with her. You didn't hesitate to tell me all about it. After all, we're not even friends. I put a stop to that awhile ago. Still, my heart broke into little pieces when I heard you say her name.

I should've known. You never could master the art of being alone quite like me. Conquering the singular science is my triumph, and mine alone. Look how far it got me.

I don't know if you ever really knew how to love me. Maybe you wanted to love me, maybe you wanted to try. I doubt you would've done what it takes, and that's why I have no other choice. The little pieces of my heart that jump when I hear your name deserve a lot more than broken promises and half-hearted attempts at winning them over.

Geez. I mean, seriously? How ironic that you study chemistry. How unceasingly ironic.

3 comments:

pretty amazing grace said...

I have a feeling I know who this is in reference to. Still drama on this front? You deserve better than this, whatever this is!!

pretty amazing grace said...

I just realized "drama" may have been a poor choice of words. By that I just meant, "a situation that is exciting or highly emotional." My whole life = one big drama. Yours is more like a nice romantic comedy interspersed with dramatic moments. ;)

At any rate, I love you and hope this situation improves soon!!!

The Working Girl said...

Ah, no worries my love! I am queen on the bounce back. Just a momentary slip.