Monday, May 28, 2007

i should star in the next geico caveman commercial

Today could have been so much worse.

I have been SO GOOD about not spending extraneous money. I haven't bought any clothes this month (only 3 days to go) minus the eight dollar shoe incident. I haven't spent money on any "extras" except for gifts (one of which I even returned). Even though the budget has been tight, I've still managed to go out (last Friday from 3pm to 1am...only spent $8) with friends. So...imagine my horror upon horrors when I'm in Target trying to decide if the 7oz $1.94 Target brand shaving cream is a better deal than the 9.3oz $2.24 Skintimate Shaving Lotion when I hear:

Will the owner of a white Acura Integra with a Florida Alumni license plate please come to guest services?

My brain: Shit. Macura. Shit. Shit. Shit. Also - you are not wearing underwear. Shit!

Upon arriving at the front desk, the security guard informs me that I forgot to put on my parking brake and my car has rolled into someones truck!!! Instantly, I am very embarrassed and quite suddenly aware of the fact that, as the brain said, I am indeed not wearing any underwear. Target is cold.

I go out to the parking lot, profusely apologizing to the security guard. Then I meet the guy whose truck my parked vehicle rolled into. I immediately begin apologizing to him, and trying to explain how I only planned to be in the store for a minute and I was probably just distracted. I kept repeated my apology, but all the guy could do was lecture me about how important it is to use the parking brake. As if seeing the front of my car nudged against the front of his wasn't enough evidence. Literally, the conversation went like this for about five minutes:

Me: I'm so sorry! Really, I am. I'll pay for the damage.
Guy: You need to remember to put on your parking brake.
Me: You're right, sir. Again, let me tell you how sorry I am.
Guy: Well, next time use the brake. And don't leave your car in neutral.
Me: I know. I never do this. I'm so sorry. Really, very sorry.
Guy: Don't be sorry. Use the brake.
Me: Do you want me to pay for the scrape on your truck?
Guy: No. I want you to use the parking brake.

Just as I am about to explain, politely, how much I wish I was able to retroactively go back and use the parking brake, the knight in shining armor Target security guard says, "Well, sir, if you don't want her insurance information, perhaps you should just continue with your day."

Then the guy gets in his truck and looks at his wife, who mouths the word "stupid idiot" at me. And all I can do is stand there, holding down my skirt which is blowing around in the wind, threatening to prove how truly idiotic I am for not only letting my car roll into someone else's, but for wearing a skirt on a windy day and forgetting to put on underwear.

Even though the lecture from the truck driver wasn't exactly appealing, I'll accept it since it meant I didn't have to pay for any damage! His wife, however, can kiss my luscious, bare ass.

Until payday,

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